The moment I put watercolor to paper, I knew she was my magic wand. I have stayed loyal to her when wordly authorities dismissed her as temporary, transitory. I love her ability to shift and change without notice. There's nothing completely covered up with her -- she shows all her colors. She is adaptable, flowing, unpredictable, surprising. Of course, the world of rational, permanent, unchangable does not find comfort in her. 

 

She is wild. She cannot be controlled.

 

I work with her. I follow and she follows. She leads and I lead. It is a dance of transmutation. She is the perfect muse for conjuring. She always tells the truth, even when I don't want to look. She reminds me to breathe. She allows me freedom to adventure. She takes me deep and she remains filled with light.

 

We are in partnership, my muse, watercolor, and I. 

We are journeying.

There is no time and there is all time.

There is Conjuring.

 

I breathe.

 

I follow my breath into my heart. I feel expansion. I feel contraction. 

 

I follow my breath into my belly. I breathe into the crevices and edges creating containment. Within the container of my belly wisdom, mystery, sensation gurgle up in images, in colors. In partnership with my muse, we conjure, we re-member knowing.

 

We express.

We connect.

We discern.

We trust.

We share.

 

With conscious intention, in partnership with all women who have walked before me, all women who will walk after me and all women who are now walking, these are the images revealed to me on my path of initiation into the cave of the Wild Wise Woman.

 

Will you journey with us and conjure your knowing?

 

See my Conjured Journey at my opening reception at Hector Handmade, 5344 State Route 414, Hector, NY, September 9, 2018, noon to 5pm


For close to 40 years now, I have searched in books for threads that will lead me into the mystery and power of the Divine Feminine. I found precious nuggets here and there. Many women scholars have written down the stories and myths of ancient times and interpreted them through many different eyes, defining archetypes for us to be guided, and our inner lives to be deepened. 

 

Initiation archetypes, stories and myths have held my interest and imagination recently. In Women Who Run With the Wolves, Clarrissa Pinkola Estes tells the story of the Handless Maiden and suggests the lost pieces of Truth in the initiation process for women. “What was once a longing to find the underworld Beloved became, somewhere in time, a lust and seizure in later myths.” She goes on to tell of ordinary invitations into initiation for women from a long ago forgotten time. A woman stepped into a solo journey safely contained by all women who had walked before her. 

 

I am, we women are being initiated into a life we have only known instinctively and intuitively. We are seeking and creating new guides to lead us through the door and down the pathway. We are reviving the ancient archetypes of feminine initiation from the depths of our bellies, our souls, and are telling the stories taught by ancient women wisdom that we find there. That knowledge is awakening in all of us as we listen to the whispers that become clear beckonings and follow the threads into the belly, the soul.

 

We do not need to be abducted in lust against our will into the Divine depths of our being like Persephone. We are not having nervous breakdowns of hysteria and depression. We choose to enter willingly, with courage and curiosity. We do not need the guidance of a father. We are women and we hold the strength accumulated from all our mothers before us. We are a strong circle connected in cooperation with other women. We each have our unique gift to share and we hold each other as each of us dives, then surfaces to shine our true brilliance as individuals. 

 

A prayer: May all our lights shine brightly as we gather to share the gifts we emerge with from our deep dive, freely, safely, within the container of the Beloved, the Divine Feminine, All That Is and Will Be and Has Been.

 

Blessed be.

 

 




 


I haven't written in awhile. Like Winter that has lingered longer than desired, I have been slow to bubble up out of my creative cave. Even as Winter lingered, so did the Dark Night of the Soul. "Dark" not to be judged as good or bad, just dark, cavelike, deep within crevices that are not exposed to light. I felt like a fungus in a rainforest that needs so little light to grow.

 

I experienced both the extreme highs of motivation, as well as the lows, in my wallowing and searching, and a lot of places in between. Sometimes my skills have been lacking when it came to rising out of the muck, and despair so palpable only my dog's eyes held me in this physical world. 

 

This process of re-birthing this year feels so much more challenging than prior years. I found so many things in my mundane life that didn't work to reward me or those I love and care about. It sometimes felt futile to keep existing if my belly rumblings will not flower in bright colors and grace my outer world with ease and beauty. 

 

And then, I remember the glimmerings I witnessed in imagination and the wealth of love and friendship that surrounds me. In that moment, the outer world becomes a kaliedoscope of greens, oranges, reds, blues and yellows! Spring displays herself in all her wonderful wildness, bursting open widely, generously. The Dark is the shadow cast by such brightness. A necessary shadow for fungus to grow. When perspective shifts, with the help of imagination, a world is given the hope of balance.  

 

Staying in the "muck" awhile longer this year may also provide magnificent colors I have yet to experience. An uncomfortably long cycle is an opportunity to become a mouse or an owl, to inspect the details closer, with sharp sight and a keen nose. To burrow a little deeper, maybe, to eventually unearth what needs light to grow. 

 

As I play with and sort through my seed packets spread across my table, I wonder what will bear fruit (or vegetable!) this year. What do I plan to nurture toward harvest? What will I imagine into being? The possibilities are limitless and becoming clearer after having spent a longer time gestating this year.

 

I wish for you ease and discernment. Where will your energies go toward bearing the fruit that will sustain you through another Winter?

 

 

 

 




Oh Women!

My Loves My Lives!

In the full void of our wombs

We look within to speak out.

No more another's voice for us

But to be our own voice

to speak as I Am.

No more the squeaky voice

of opression, betrayal, shame.

 

With ease the Voice of fierceness

and power

Waking the unsaid,

Exercising a sound not yet heard

Deep out from the emptiness

that is not empty.

Bring out not sudden

But let us unfold together 

as a garden in spring

according to the Law that is All.

It is no mistake that opening

begins in Winter

as carpets soften the ground

and protect the warmth

that brews.

As our hearts our souls

Our Voice

Brews.

Gathering the seeds

Carefully.

With discernment.

Fiercely alive.

 

Blessed be All.

Amen.

Ho.

 



©2018





still life

 

 



charcoal drawing

 

 



adding color

 



reversing and adding more color

 

 


 

The new season has been quiet. Time for meditation, contemplation and............exploration! I've been playing with media I haven't used in a long time like charcoal, brush pen, colored pencils and oil pastel. It's been freeing to just explore and not think about "finished work". I'm calling it "getting down to the bones"!

 

Here's a series of photos following the progress of a charcoal pencil drawing from a still life. I love smooshing the charcoal around, using pressure to create shade or color and wiping and blending!

 


 

 

 

 

 

 




 

 

 

 

 

 


 

 

 

 

 



 

 

 

 

 






What bones are you creating?

Happy new year.......

 

 



"Zorra" watercolor©2000

 

Winter Solstice is my favorite holiday. It represents a time of inner watching for me. A time of low activity and conjuring dreams within my heart, my mind, my soul. A time I spend walking in the muck of my darkest places and seeking guides to shed light on the places I need guidance. A time of self reflection, reassessment, realignment. I look forward to the lengthening days, when I can spend more time in the woods before dusk. I also look forward to the lengthening days as they uplift my heart full of possible dreams to manifest for the coming year.

 

This year I am assessing how will I act, respond, be present, take responsibility to the growing fire around me, within me. I watch and wait right now. Watch deeply for the truth within me and wait while I conjure ideas for action looking to the wisdom of those who have walked before me. I feel dramatic change afoot. I feel a stirring for different action. I call in my guardians, my friends, my guides and teachers to help me stay true to heart and assist my mind to walk a compassionate path.

 

As light slowly expands, my prayer is for united strength and action from heart. I call on Kali, Durga, Romi Kumu and Zorra to fan my heart flames to action and blaze a trail through darkness for my heart to navigate. To not be distracted and stopped by destruction and to have faith in the slow, steady burn of change.

 

May whatever you celebrate this season bring you joyously closer to your own transforming fire. 



Morning Moon, Friday, Decmber 8, 2017


As we approach Winter Solstice, the sun path lowers in the sky, the moon path rises higher. Also this month, the moon path is close to the earth and seems larger, bolder, inviting me into it's rhythms. It will be dark - a new moon - near Solstice, appropriate to the seasonal celebration of the longest night, the shortest day. 

This time of year invites me to seek inner worlds, to journey within and reflect on what intentions I will choose to rise up from my heart as the sun path begins it's journey higher in the sky. As I follow the darker, quieter invitations lit by the moon and stirred by it's rhythms, my wishes are inspired by the path I have already walked. I ready myself with my new intentions, to follow the sun path. 

Back and forth, like the rhythm of the waves, reflecting and looking forward, I let go and I reach out. 

 

This year, I wish for forgiveness, grace and consciousness of abundance. 

 

What are your wishes? What do you desire to manifest as the sun path rises?

 

Joyous Solstice!