I haven't written in awhile. Like Winter that has lingered longer than desired, I have been slow to bubble up out of my creative cave. Even as Winter lingered, so did the Dark Night of the Soul. "Dark" not to be judged as good or bad, just dark, cavelike, deep within crevices that are not exposed to light. I felt like a fungus in a rainforest that needs so little light to grow.
I experienced both the extreme highs of motivation, as well as the lows, in my wallowing and searching, and a lot of places in between. Sometimes my skills have been lacking when it came to rising out of the muck, and despair so palpable only my dog's eyes held me in this physical world.
This process of re-birthing this year feels so much more challenging than prior years. I found so many things in my mundane life that didn't work to reward me or those I love and care about. It sometimes felt futile to keep existing if my belly rumblings will not flower in bright colors and grace my outer world with ease and beauty.
And then, I remember the glimmerings I witnessed in imagination and the wealth of love and friendship that surrounds me. In that moment, the outer world becomes a kaliedoscope of greens, oranges, reds, blues and yellows! Spring displays herself in all her wonderful wildness, bursting open widely, generously. The Dark is the shadow cast by such brightness. A necessary shadow for fungus to grow. When perspective shifts, with the help of imagination, a world is given the hope of balance.
Staying in the "muck" awhile longer this year may also provide magnificent colors I have yet to experience. An uncomfortably long cycle is an opportunity to become a mouse or an owl, to inspect the details closer, with sharp sight and a keen nose. To burrow a little deeper, maybe, to eventually unearth what needs light to grow.
As I play with and sort through my seed packets spread across my table, I wonder what will bear fruit (or vegetable!) this year. What do I plan to nurture toward harvest? What will I imagine into being? The possibilities are limitless and becoming clearer after having spent a longer time gestating this year.
I wish for you ease and discernment. Where will your energies go toward bearing the fruit that will sustain you through another Winter?